crying again. things are good. things are okay. things have to be okay.

i have to be okay.

i have to be okay.

red flames dance behind your eyes
you look at the world
and smile so sweetly
that it’s a wonder bees haven’t flown to you yet

but the honeyed words flowing through the air
originating from a mask so carefully maintained
that any loss in control is a shock

yes
a shock
because those parts of your character
the ones hidden away
have little to do with them

they are yours
mold them
love them
reel them in with light touches and giggles and words like poison
let every crack that you orchestrate be filled with your will

there is a King
and there is a Horse

there are Pawns
and you must be the Player

so when the fires and voices that never stop
when they ring out and claw and tear through your control
smile
let the sunlight hit your face just right

you are the Puppeteer

and the Puppets you control cannot know of the thing crawling beneath your skin

I love Anime North.

There’s not much else I can say about my feelings towards it.

This year, I really went around and immersed myself in the convention. Sure, I wasn’t with T.S.S. people (Angela/Helen/Mary) most of the time, but god, did I have an amazing time. I went to panels, saw a mind blowing concert (I TOUCHED HIMMMMM, in a totally non-creepy, non-stalkerish way), met a member of the 404’s, met this amazing couple (they’re engaged :3), had lunch with this girl from London, met four guys from the states, and got this print that I’ve been eyeing for AGES.

Yeah. it was good. Below are just a few pics. Good cosplays and the concert. Ill take a picture of my room with all the lovely art hung up soon!

(My photo above) THIS WAS AN AMAZING CONCERT. Lix (above) was mind-blowing. Screaming, growling, sex on stage… His voice is gorgeous, the music is definitely to my taste, and the way he interacted with the crowd? Totally a performer and I’m definitely going to be tracking this artist. Moshing and dancing and just partying the night away. LOVE.

Adapter and [marlee] were awesome too. Adapter was more of a dance pop electronic sound (cute), while Marlee had this post-apocalyptic, otherworldly sound that I was really enjoying!

Went to the concert with the couple, they were so cute :3

I love Anime North; it’s the only place in the world where I can randomly start a conversation with anyone, regardless of age or gender, and still have a great time with them :)

Now, random cosplay photos.

I’m exhausted, everything aches, and I’m still gross from the convention. But hell, was it worth it.

Don’t apologise for being who you are. Embrace it, and accept yourself wholeheartedly. In the end, you are all you’ve got.

(via sleepygeek)

I just realized that I appear as an idiot to most people. It’s a defense mechanism. After all, it’s easier to be overlooked and accepted if I’m a cute idiot, rather than a cynical and cruel, intelligent soul.

Summer means sorter pans and tighter clothes and revealing pasty-white body parts that have not seen the light of day for a very long time. It means shorts and tank tops, skirts and bandeaus, pinching in weird places and an uncomfortable realization that “Oh my god why have I gained 20 lbs over the course of 6 months?”

Summer also means a glorious amount of free time. Of quiet contemplation and creative spurts and finally having time to finish that project that I’ve always wanted to complete.

Summer has always been something very formidable for me. i don’t have an attractive body by our society’s standards. I’m not thin and slender and toned. I’m relatively short, rather thick-legged (cankles glaore) with wider calves and an ass that could be awesome if it was toned and shapely and legs that don’t go on for miles. I don’t have utterly gorgeous arms, or hair that shines “with all it’s strength”.

But I’m also a very, verybeautifulindividual. I like how I’m not afraid to wear crazy things. How I can pull off crazy blue and green tips and winged eyeliner like no one else. How I’m not afraid to wear blinding red-fuchsia lipstick or dance passionately with friends. It’s amazing that I can keep up my grades (sort of) and still do all i want to. I know where I am sexually. I know what I want from others. I know how to make myself happy and how to live lifemyway.

But…

I’m invited to a friend’s pool party this weekend. She’s a nice person. But she’s not very quiet or secretive. i can’t tell her things and expect them to stay hidden. She found out that I enjoy reading fanfiction and anime and manga. She call it my erotica obsession. Like… REALLY? Thank you for being a bitch. She enjoys bringing it up at the most awkward and terrible moments. She enjoys revealing the fact that I’m interested in girls and guys. NOT YOUR INFORMATION TO SHARE.

I just… I love her, but I really don’t want to go somewhere where she can embarrass me fully, and then be unable to retort without risking being kicked out.

Plus I wouldn’t swim (I don’t know how) nor do I have the awesome bikini bod for it.

So… any advice, my fellow tumblr buddies?

(via onlytowardschaos)